God has control over everything I do in my life. He knows what I will do with my life. I am trying to come to terms with staying an extra quarter or an extra year. It's all in God's hands.
Lord, who am I compared to your glory, oh Lord?
Lord, who am I compared to your majesty?
I am your beloved.
(3/22/08)
For I know
Hi God. Today as we sang "I Surrender All," I asked myself, Gee, God, what do you want me to surrender? And I remembered everything. I have no idea what my major will be, how I'll graduate on time, how much ministry to do, if I should get a job, if I can get a job, who to invest in, what to say to her, how to deal with the other girl. And I'm overwhelmed because life is passing me by. I'm meeting and getting to know incredible people who are changing my life, who, tragically, who will leave my life once I graduate.
These thoughts had so plagued my soul that the weight was no longer foreign.
It is easy to surrender during the song. Then we transition into a faster song, a more upbeat one, about how we're all blessed and how You're awesome. And my mind wandered.
God, I really have a lot to study today. On my study breaks, I should start using Photoshop because the Ad Team will want me to know how to use it and so will anyone in DESMA and any job. I'm running out of time. Spring break I won't be able to do it and then the quarter starts again. Then I'll be gone all summer. Okay. I'm going to start today. I really need to learn the other Adobe programs too. When will I have time? I have to learn them. "For I know the plans that I have for you." If I'm going to make the Bruin Ad Team next year, I have to know them. Do I even have time for the Ad Team? I hardly have time for another commitment right now and I'll be adding that, the difficulty of DESMA, BSM, and leading worship. And I need to take four classes. "For I know..." Should I take four classes next quarter? But there's nothing left to take. I don't have to take gospel choir. I'll just petition for a DESMA class. It'll be 21 units but I can handle it. "For I..." I have to take four classes next quarter. I won't graduate on time if I don't...
Except the problem is, I've already gone through this in my mind. I've already rationalized the whole commitment thing and taking four classes and graduating on time. And all the while, there's a whisper, and a knowledge that You have everything under control. That You have controlled everything perfectly up to this point.
Why then do I worry?
(3/16/08)
These thoughts had so plagued my soul that the weight was no longer foreign.
It is easy to surrender during the song. Then we transition into a faster song, a more upbeat one, about how we're all blessed and how You're awesome. And my mind wandered.
God, I really have a lot to study today. On my study breaks, I should start using Photoshop because the Ad Team will want me to know how to use it and so will anyone in DESMA and any job. I'm running out of time. Spring break I won't be able to do it and then the quarter starts again. Then I'll be gone all summer. Okay. I'm going to start today. I really need to learn the other Adobe programs too. When will I have time? I have to learn them. "For I know the plans that I have for you." If I'm going to make the Bruin Ad Team next year, I have to know them. Do I even have time for the Ad Team? I hardly have time for another commitment right now and I'll be adding that, the difficulty of DESMA, BSM, and leading worship. And I need to take four classes. "For I know..." Should I take four classes next quarter? But there's nothing left to take. I don't have to take gospel choir. I'll just petition for a DESMA class. It'll be 21 units but I can handle it. "For I..." I have to take four classes next quarter. I won't graduate on time if I don't...
Except the problem is, I've already gone through this in my mind. I've already rationalized the whole commitment thing and taking four classes and graduating on time. And all the while, there's a whisper, and a knowledge that You have everything under control. That You have controlled everything perfectly up to this point.
Why then do I worry?
(3/16/08)
And it's back.
That all-too-familiar feeling. That feeling I thought was gone because I thought I'd solved this problem. But it's back.
And the weight returns.
My vision is hazy. My heart hurts. Opposing sides ripping me apart. And all the while I remain confused.
I pray that I will have the courage, the strength, the words to articulate what I am feeling. I pray that God will show me the answer. And grant me peace.
Ask and you shall receive.
And P.S. I really want to do DESMA.
(3/13/08)
And the weight returns.
My vision is hazy. My heart hurts. Opposing sides ripping me apart. And all the while I remain confused.
I pray that I will have the courage, the strength, the words to articulate what I am feeling. I pray that God will show me the answer. And grant me peace.
Ask and you shall receive.
And P.S. I really want to do DESMA.
(3/13/08)
A perfect blend
Yesterday I went to Kimmy and Albert's wedding. There were two things that I really loved about the wedding:
1) the way that when Kimmy walked down the aisle, the traditional wedding song wasn't playing. Mike was playing, "Holy, Holy, Holy". I thought that that was more appropriate.
2) the way that Kimmy and Albert blended their different cultures in the wedding. The way that the Bible was read in English and Spanish. The way that they had the lasso ritual while "Amazing Grace" was sung. The way that at the reception Kimmy wore her Belizian attire while a Mariachi band was playing. The way that during the slideshow, they played Stevie Wonder during Kimmy's pictures and Santana during Albert's.
I wondered why this mix affected me so much. But during the wedding and reception, all I could think about was how I really wanted this to happen in my wedding. Yesterday, I thoroughly enjoyed the Mariachi and "Amazing Grace." I enjoyed "Beloved" and "Te Alabare."
Today at church, God revealed to me why it hit home: The wedding represents my life. My life is mixture of cultures tht God wnts to blend together.
God spoke very clearly today at church:
"You are a perfect blend
a beautiful demonstration of my creativity
The division is not 50-50
Or 50-25-25
It overlaps
There is no division
You are a living representation of diversity
Multiple cultures blending together
Into one beautiful woman
Everything you do is an outward leaking of who you are
Displaying your cultures
While resting in My joy
In My security
There is not distinct line
Dividing you into opposing sides
My vision for unity is made manifest in you
The warring sides
The uncertainty
But my desire is for you
Is that you would be unified
Is that there would be a blend
A mix of cultures
That there would be no worry of
Favoritism
That you wouldn't be Puerto Rican in one setting
And Jamaican in another
I want to develop you into someone
Who is Jamaica Rican everywhere
Who is a direct reflection of Me
Who lets My love
My joy
My healing flow through you
You are a perfect blend
Don't worry about how to live that out
I will guide you
I will teach you
Just remember who you are
Just remember who you are
A perfect blend."
(3/9/08)
1) the way that when Kimmy walked down the aisle, the traditional wedding song wasn't playing. Mike was playing, "Holy, Holy, Holy". I thought that that was more appropriate.
2) the way that Kimmy and Albert blended their different cultures in the wedding. The way that the Bible was read in English and Spanish. The way that they had the lasso ritual while "Amazing Grace" was sung. The way that at the reception Kimmy wore her Belizian attire while a Mariachi band was playing. The way that during the slideshow, they played Stevie Wonder during Kimmy's pictures and Santana during Albert's.
I wondered why this mix affected me so much. But during the wedding and reception, all I could think about was how I really wanted this to happen in my wedding. Yesterday, I thoroughly enjoyed the Mariachi and "Amazing Grace." I enjoyed "Beloved" and "Te Alabare."
Today at church, God revealed to me why it hit home: The wedding represents my life. My life is mixture of cultures tht God wnts to blend together.
God spoke very clearly today at church:
"You are a perfect blend
a beautiful demonstration of my creativity
The division is not 50-50
Or 50-25-25
It overlaps
There is no division
You are a living representation of diversity
Multiple cultures blending together
Into one beautiful woman
Everything you do is an outward leaking of who you are
Displaying your cultures
While resting in My joy
In My security
There is not distinct line
Dividing you into opposing sides
My vision for unity is made manifest in you
The warring sides
The uncertainty
But my desire is for you
Is that you would be unified
Is that there would be a blend
A mix of cultures
That there would be no worry of
Favoritism
That you wouldn't be Puerto Rican in one setting
And Jamaican in another
I want to develop you into someone
Who is Jamaica Rican everywhere
Who is a direct reflection of Me
Who lets My love
My joy
My healing flow through you
You are a perfect blend
Don't worry about how to live that out
I will guide you
I will teach you
Just remember who you are
Just remember who you are
A perfect blend."
(3/9/08)
Praise
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ." (Ephesians 1:3)
I woke up this morning with the urge to give God praises. I was just filled with so much joy and all I wanted to do was thank God.
So here's my own "Praise be to the God and Father...":
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
who has planned my life so that I can enjoy every day stress-free,
who has surrounded me with family and friends who love me and love God and can support me on the journey,
who has given me strength through difficult times,
who gives me energy when I'm tired,
who gives me joy so I can be Jesus to someone else.
To Him be the glory and honor and power forever and ever. Amen.
(3/3/08)
I woke up this morning with the urge to give God praises. I was just filled with so much joy and all I wanted to do was thank God.
So here's my own "Praise be to the God and Father...":
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
who has planned my life so that I can enjoy every day stress-free,
who has surrounded me with family and friends who love me and love God and can support me on the journey,
who has given me strength through difficult times,
who gives me energy when I'm tired,
who gives me joy so I can be Jesus to someone else.
To Him be the glory and honor and power forever and ever. Amen.
(3/3/08)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)