This just in:

I'm going to sing "I Give it up" in front of BCF. And Serena. On Thursday. This Thursday. In a time where I hardly any of the lyrics are true. Cool.

Holding back the tears, I put a smile on my face [true]
Hoping that by shoving it aside, the pain would go away [true]
I don't know what to do anymore, there must be another way [true]
But with all this bundled up inside, I can't do anything but say [nope]

I give it up, I let it go, I let the tears fall [yeah... no]
Let the burden be lifted and bondage untangled [not yet]
I want to be free [true but anger's nice too]
Then suddenly I am lifted and I fall to my knees [yeah right]
Amazed at how You still love me [I wouldn't exactly say 'amazed'... and 'love'?]
Then I start to find the peace [what's peace?]

My body's shaking, my soul is tired [yep]
I have a heavy heart [true]
All this time I was doing it all, thinking that was smart [isn't it?]
I'm not quite ready to begin anew, so tomorrow's when I'll start [yeah, let's postpone it]
But with all the weight and stress on me, my life just falls apart [not false]

I kneel here, quietly, thinking, crying [uh, yeah]
I haven't done this in awhile [that's true]
I'm filled with love, with peace, with hope [biggest lie]
And I find that I can smile [wait for real, or the smile in the beginning of the song?]



This should be interesting.

(5/25/08)

God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.
God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.
God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.
God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.
God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.
God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.
God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.
God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.
God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.
God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.
God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.
God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.
God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.
God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.
God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.
God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.
God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.
God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.
God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.
God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.
God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan.
[maybe if i say it enough, i'll believe it.]

"we regret to inform you"

Sometimes.
I. just. don't. get. God.

(5/23/08)

It gives me great joy

great joy

great

joy

to look at Claude McKay's poetry and feel at home and to look at Pales Matos' poetry and feel at home.

I love my cultures.

(5/21/08)

When I stress,
I begin to wonder:

If I can't handle what I'm doing right now, how am I possibly going to handle adding more to my schedule next year?

I think I'm really tired. And then when I want to sit in stress (yes, want) God still decides to whisper, With Me, all things are possible.

"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

(5/13/08)

For the first time all week
I am able to give God
control
of the GIG.

Thank. God.

Daughter, your faith has made you well...

(5/10/08) 11:18pm

pen to paper
whispering softly
secrets
no one can read it
I want someone to read it
they need to know her
writing takes too long
the internet is too public
put my hood on
see her smiling
my fingers typing
the rainbow she painted
the rainbow we spotted
a promise
SpongeBob consuming
people wondering
am I obsessed
it reminds me of her
everything I do
SpongeBob is with me
she is with me
only the happy thoughts
her voice
suh-ree-nuhhh
mom! she did the 'ff'
twenty-nine months
since I've heard those words
I like thinking about her
I like writing about her
throw the brick
wake me up
remind me
that it will be
nearly forever
until I hear those words again.

(5/7/08)

I'm not worthy of complete healing.

That's all.

(5/6/08)

The fact that Christiana died makes my testimony stronger, not weaker.

(5/4/08)