Christiana's story brought someone closer to Jesus again, and two days ago he decided to follow Jesus completely.
I wish I could tangibly tell her and Jesus thank you.
(4/29/08)
Overwhelmed.
Today I said, slightly without thinking: "Being overwhelmed seems to be the story of my life."
Not good.
I oscillate from overwhelmed to peace to overwhelmed. Except the peace lasts only a moment. It comes when I know that I actually am in the place that God wants me right now.
Then the moment is gone. And I'm overwhelmed again.
Worship isn't so overwhelming.
But BCM is.
And DESMA is.
And classes are.
And then I go back to thinking, Am I really where God wants me?
It's hard when I don't feel like the people around me support me. It makes me feel
overwhelmed.
(4/20/08)
Not good.
I oscillate from overwhelmed to peace to overwhelmed. Except the peace lasts only a moment. It comes when I know that I actually am in the place that God wants me right now.
Then the moment is gone. And I'm overwhelmed again.
Worship isn't so overwhelming.
But BCM is.
And DESMA is.
And classes are.
And then I go back to thinking, Am I really where God wants me?
It's hard when I don't feel like the people around me support me. It makes me feel
overwhelmed.
(4/20/08)
Plans for a hope and a future
(in the climax of worship)
God (standing, looking down, arms outstretched, receiving my worship): You, My child, are in the heart of discovering your purpose.
(4/13/08)
God (standing, looking down, arms outstretched, receiving my worship): You, My child, are in the heart of discovering your purpose.
(4/13/08)
A peace that is fleeting
"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." - Luke 9:23
I am still trying to feel at peace about my decisions in leadership next year. It's been really stressful thinking about all that I have to do, still keeping the thought in the back of my head that I don't want my life to be completely IV.
Which then makes me remember that I'm not the one who controls my life. And at church today the pastor read this verse and a wave of peace fell over me about leadership, as if God was reassuring me and letting me know that I was making the right decision about leadership.
But now church is over. And I still feel stressed. I enjoy what I'm doing. I really do. But I compare what I do to what others do. It's hard not to get a holier-than-thou feeling about it and it's hard not to be Martha. Because I know we're called to bring God glory, and sometimes I do feel that I'm headed in the direction that God wants me. But only sometimes.
God, please bring that peace. That peace that transcends all understanding. Please give me guidance as to where you want me to be. Help me to know when it's too much and when it's too little. With all my heart I desperately want my life to bring You glory. Show me what that means. Amen.
(3/6/08)
I am still trying to feel at peace about my decisions in leadership next year. It's been really stressful thinking about all that I have to do, still keeping the thought in the back of my head that I don't want my life to be completely IV.
Which then makes me remember that I'm not the one who controls my life. And at church today the pastor read this verse and a wave of peace fell over me about leadership, as if God was reassuring me and letting me know that I was making the right decision about leadership.
But now church is over. And I still feel stressed. I enjoy what I'm doing. I really do. But I compare what I do to what others do. It's hard not to get a holier-than-thou feeling about it and it's hard not to be Martha. Because I know we're called to bring God glory, and sometimes I do feel that I'm headed in the direction that God wants me. But only sometimes.
God, please bring that peace. That peace that transcends all understanding. Please give me guidance as to where you want me to be. Help me to know when it's too much and when it's too little. With all my heart I desperately want my life to bring You glory. Show me what that means. Amen.
(3/6/08)
"Every nation, tribe, people and language"
After months, maybe even years, of desiring diversity at a church, I have always thought that I desired it because I was never in the majority and I just wanted more of "my people" there. Then when I got to BCF, and BSM and LaFe existed, I wasn't satisfied. Something about Oasis and Abundant Life felt like home, but still I wasn't satisfied. This desire has plagued me all throughout this year, and Thursday God revealed his heart for multiethnicity and diversity within the church. My desire now makes sense, and after getting a vision of what a God-pleasing-diverse-BCF would look like, my heart is full.
John paints such a beautiful picture of this diversity in Revelation, the images of heaven and perfect worship:
"Then I saw another angel flying in midair, and he had the eternal gospel to proclaim to those who live on the earth -- to every nation, tribe, language and people." -14:6
God's plan for outreach does consist of multiethnic evangelism, and I just get this image in my head of Him smiling through our cross-ethnic relationship building, through our desire to connect more races into the larger body of BCF through a mixture in the audience. True diversity.
"And [the four living creatures and twenty-four elders] sang a new song:
'You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation. You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth.' " 5:9-10
The commentary in my Bible says that the "new song" referred to in v.9 celebrated a divine deliverance or blessing. Jesus died on the cross so that He could save people from every tribe, again reflecting His desire for diversity. Jesus isn't partial.
"After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice:
'Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.' " 7:9-10
This image of people from all countries and all races worshipping together is so beautiful. There's no room for hatred or stereotypes or exclusivity because they all have the same purpose: to worship God incredibly fully.
Such a beautiful picture. Though we are far from perfect, my desire is that BCF would reflect 7:9-10. I wish that God would look at our fellowship as we worship and see that we reflect His value for a multi-ethnic community...
(4/5/08)
John paints such a beautiful picture of this diversity in Revelation, the images of heaven and perfect worship:
"Then I saw another angel flying in midair, and he had the eternal gospel to proclaim to those who live on the earth -- to every nation, tribe, language and people." -14:6
God's plan for outreach does consist of multiethnic evangelism, and I just get this image in my head of Him smiling through our cross-ethnic relationship building, through our desire to connect more races into the larger body of BCF through a mixture in the audience. True diversity.
"And [the four living creatures and twenty-four elders] sang a new song:
'You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation. You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth.' " 5:9-10
The commentary in my Bible says that the "new song" referred to in v.9 celebrated a divine deliverance or blessing. Jesus died on the cross so that He could save people from every tribe, again reflecting His desire for diversity. Jesus isn't partial.
"After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice:
'Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.' " 7:9-10
This image of people from all countries and all races worshipping together is so beautiful. There's no room for hatred or stereotypes or exclusivity because they all have the same purpose: to worship God incredibly fully.
Such a beautiful picture. Though we are far from perfect, my desire is that BCF would reflect 7:9-10. I wish that God would look at our fellowship as we worship and see that we reflect His value for a multi-ethnic community...
(4/5/08)
Say Hi to Everyone
A little heavenly hello... Andre is in 6th grade I think, and he and Christiana used to be friends. He's the sweetest little kid. This is a message my mom got from him today:
"Um, Mrs. Powery? Hi this is Andre and I was just saying that when I was playing baseball I heard Christiana and when I was batting she said 'hi' and she said 'try' and I tried and I missed both of them but when I was in the dugout she said, um... she said, um... she said... sorry... she said... oh yeah... she said, um, 'say hi to everyone' and at the end of the game she said 'family' and I just wanted you to know that she wanted to say 'hi' to you and I'm so happy I heard it and, um, yeah and my mom said she would email you. Okay, um, so love you guys. Bye."
Sometimes it still seems to hit fresh, like I had forgotten that she died or like I had forgotten the pain or how long ago it was so how recent it was or how my life used to be. Then it hits me again. It's comforting, incredibly and abundantly comforting, to know that she is with the angels, but I never stop wondering what life would be like if she were still here.
(4/3/08)
"Um, Mrs. Powery? Hi this is Andre and I was just saying that when I was playing baseball I heard Christiana and when I was batting she said 'hi' and she said 'try' and I tried and I missed both of them but when I was in the dugout she said, um... she said, um... she said... sorry... she said... oh yeah... she said, um, 'say hi to everyone' and at the end of the game she said 'family' and I just wanted you to know that she wanted to say 'hi' to you and I'm so happy I heard it and, um, yeah and my mom said she would email you. Okay, um, so love you guys. Bye."
Sometimes it still seems to hit fresh, like I had forgotten that she died or like I had forgotten the pain or how long ago it was so how recent it was or how my life used to be. Then it hits me again. It's comforting, incredibly and abundantly comforting, to know that she is with the angels, but I never stop wondering what life would be like if she were still here.
(4/3/08)
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