I Wonder

[a compilation of stanzas written from 12/25/05-1/09/06]

I look at the rain
And I wonder what life would be
If you were still here.
(12/25/05)

I think of the ocean
And I look out 'til I can't see further
And I wonder what it's like where you are.
I wonder what it's like to know all
And to see what I can't.
(12/27/05)

I wake up early
To watch the sun rise
And as things get brighter
I wonder
What it's like where you are
Where everything is bright
And where the Son is always rising.
(12/30/05)

I smell the pine
And I am relaxed
And I find peace
And I wonder
What the peace is like where you are
If the piece of me
That was you
Will find peace too.

As I sing
My soft voice interrupting the silence
Ringing
I wonder
What it's like to be at His throne
Singing forever
And I don't want to stop

I think of your strength
And I wonder
What you were thinking
When you were sick
How did you courage come along?
How can I get the courage?
I wonder
How I can be like you
And be strong
(12/31/05)

I look at the stars
And feel the cold wind
And I shiver.
I picture your smiling face
Assuring me that everything will be okay
And telling me not to worry.
I wonder if you're right.
(later 12/31/05)

I awake in the morning
Thinking of you
Rolling over to check the clock
I stretch.
Then I remember
That you're gone
And I quietly lay back down
And go to sleep
Hoping it's all a dream
Wondering
If when I wake again
You'll still
Be gone.
(1/2/06)

I even dream of you
Of things as they were
And I wonder
If I'll dream of how things are now
And if the dreams I have now
Will hurt like they do
When I'm awake.
(1/6/06)

In my dreams
God speaks to me through you
Telling me that through it all
You're always with me
And I can
Also touch
People because we're together.
Then, a new wave comes
Not an overwhelming wave
Of salty chaos in a
Painful tsunami,
But a wave of peace
And I take a deep breath
And put the nightmares to sleep
I tell myself
Which includes you too
To have sweet dreams.
I no longer have to wonder
If I'll be okay
Because I can lay down
In peace
Knowing that you rest too
Knowing that you're always with me
That we're together forever.
Forever.
My wonder is calm. And I sleep.
With you.
(1/9/06)



i used to write a lot more back then.

(6/12/08)