Of course. I knew the emotional high wouldn't last too long. Hopefully this won't either. God, it's just like that first quarter at UCLA... I need some like-minded people. I can't go 2 months turning down alcohol and smoking. It's only been 6 days, and it's already getting to me.

"What'd you do last night?" And I get nervous. As if I have something to prove to these people. I'm supposed to be a witness.

And right when I need them most, my family is unavailable. And it's expensive to call.

And I'm fighting tears. You know it's affecting me if I'm fighting tears. I just need to go to bed. Everything will be better in the morning. Everything will be better in the morning.

God, I need You. I know I looked for my family. But I really need You. And I'm sitting here, all alone in Spain, surrounding by Spaniards I don't know and American acquaintances who don't know who I am. God, I found a place of joy and excitement for a day or two... and I'm realizing that this is going to be an emotional struggle. One that You can grow me through. But that doesn't make it easier. Somehow I'm supposed to be a light to these people. But I just feel awkward and out of place. I need help, God. Whether it's you or someone alongside me. I need help. I can't do this by myself. It's too overwhelming. Help tonight to be a time where I can just interact and get more intimate with You. I need that. Amen.

(7/5/08)