Blessed.

Too many days of the year I go through my life only thinking about what I need to do. What tests to study for, what books to read, what classes to take, when to work out, when to eat, what God wants from me, what I want from God. It's like I'm driving in the fast lane and everything is in a blur. Then suddenly, I slow down. Nothing really prompts it. The holidays, maybe. A conversation, a thought. But then it hits me.

I am blessed.

I. Am. Blessed. I am so blessed to have the family that I have and to have the opportunities that I have. Mind you, the next sentences of thanksgiving are by no means an attempt to brag... just an attempt to recognize the blessings that I've been given that I don't deserve.

I have two parents who love my sisters and me equally and who love each other as well, even after 20+ years of marriage. I have parents who love God passionately and proudly support my decision to love and follow God passionately as well. I have parents who support me financially at school, who pay for my tuition and support my decision to change majors because it'll make me happy. I have parents who want me to do something that makes me happy, something that I'm passionate about. I have parents... both of my parents are still alive and healthy. As I think about my friends who have lost a parent or whose parents are divorced, I find that I can't imagine what that's like. I don't know what I did to deserve such incredible parents, and sometimes I get frustrated because I see them trying to be parents to other people who weren't as fortunate. But God made them my parents. Thank You, God.

I have 2 sisters. Thank God. I have one sister who is crazy and loud and beautiful. She has her own style and wears it well. She's very outgoing and because of that, everyone loves being around her. People are constantly calling her to get her attention: Serena this, Serena that. And yet, she's still very excited when I come home. Me, the not-so-outgoing, not-so-crazy, not-so-loud one. We're different, but she still enjoys my company. When she could be with her friends, she finds time for me. For that, I am grateful.

I have another sister who was quiet, sweet, and beautiful. There's a lot of her character that we didn't see but heard about from her friends, like her decision to include everyone as her friend, and the five different girls who called Christiana her best friend. She kept a smile through a fatal disease and accepted the medications and shots that were given to her daily. She was an excellent student and loved art. She loved to laugh and always made faces at the camera. Secretly (or maybe not so secretly), she adored Serena and wanted to be just like her. They would make crazy faces together and be loud and laugh and get mad at each other. I think she also secretly wanted to be like me (dare I indulge?). We would do quieter crafts together and she proclaimed that she wanted to go to UCLA.

Just looking at my family, it is evident that I am blessed. I have done nothing to control which family I am born into, and I have done nothing to deserve this family. And yet, God gave this to me. I feel like I owe him something, like something in our life should be broken so that we aren't "the perfect family." And back when Christiana first passed away I thought that that was it. I used to think that our family was "too perfect" to be true. Then Christiana died, and I was a bit relieved because finally, something was wrong. But really, that wasn't the something I thought it would be. Because we're healing, Christiana's with Jesus and we'll see her again. What a blessing.

I love my family. I love my life. I am blessed. God says I don't owe Him anything. But He deserves more than nothing. I will try to live my life all for God, bringing Him glory in everything I do, remembering that I am blessed. Blessed to be a blessing. That's what I'll do.

I am blessed to be a blessing. Thank You, God. Amen.

(12/24/07)